In the exciting hours leading up to the Season Premeire of the 7th magical incarnation of American Idol, I feel strangely compelled to defend one of my favorite pastimes and debunk all of Chris Riemenschneider's lame and cynical criticisms of the biggest show on the planet. Sure, the show has its shortcomings, like the Ford commercials and the Sanjaya Malakars, but it's actually a pretty fun show to watch if you don't take it so goddamn seriously. First, I have copied the Star Tribune music critics' bones of contention with the show, then humbly offered my response.
Here's the original Strib article:
http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/13775476.html?page=2&c=y
1. Randy Jackson is the reason people are going around calling each other "Dog."
1. Randy Jackson is hardly the reason people are going around calling eachother 'dog'. Did you ever hear of Snoop Dogg Riemey? People have been using that tired old phrase for a couple decades now. It just so happens that Jackson is one of few people un-hip enough to still use it.
Simon Cowell is a genius. Yes, he can be cruel, (which is often funny and accurate) but he is also not afraid to give credit where credit is due. He is sharp and witty and doesn't care whether you like him or not. Also, Paula and Randy, while mostly annoying and often pandering, can be insightful in their own ways.
2. The laughs are on you during the auditions.
2. The auditions are entertaining. Yes, some of the people are there just to get on T.V. and make a fool of themselves. We get that. We don't care. It's still hilarious. Plus, you always get a hint of some of the talent that will be showcased later thrown in with the horrible costumes and ineffective gimmicks.
3. Our snow will have melted by the time the top 10 are revealed.
3. That just gives us a chance to pick our favorites and really get to know our contestants. We all need something productive to do before the snow melts anyway.
4. Omaha: Oh-ma-gawd!
4. Are you suggesting that there are not talented people in Omaha? Just because it's not a major bustling metropolitan city like the 612 doesn't mean the good people of Omaha have nothing to offer. Where do you think Malcolm X and Gerald Ford came from? Ya ya, they are not musicians, but whatever. 311 bitches.
5. Save the true idols.
5. True Idols, like J-Lo and Aerosmith? First of all, their Idol status is questionable in my ever so modest opinion, and these people do not 'stoop to appearing', they knowingly put themselves on media's biggest platform to hawk their latest records. Also, Prince did in fact appear on the show, even if only to perform on the season finale and chalk up one of the most erotic performances ever on live network television.
6. "Tonight's celebrity guest judge: Britney Spears."
6. Fuck that. Even if it did happen, which it won't because the producers consistently pick positive and healthy guest stars, every Riemy music critic in the country would totally tape it and eat up every second becasue they can't get enough of her. Bunch of gossip mongers.
7. Fantasia Barrino, Diana DeGarmo, Jasmine Trias, LaToya Hudson, George Huff and John Stevens. All those people won over future Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson ("Dreamgirls") in the third season. 'Nuff said.
7. That's part of the show. America decides, even if Americans are sometmes complete idiots. (see 2000, 2004 elections......wait, just 2004.)
8. Your other viewing options aren't all that bad. Tonight's offerings opposite "Idol" include the well-reviewed "Lonesome Dove" miniseries "Comanche Moon," new episodes of "One Tree Hill" and "NCIS," plus PBS's "Nova" presentation of "Absolute Zero," which explores, among other things, Clay Aiken's and Kelly Clarkson's career-comeback chances.
8. Are you kidding me? You've got to be fucking kidding me.
9. The list of Hollywood-bound contestants is out.
9. So what? I am not going to look at a website that tells me who made it to the Hollywood round if I don't want to know who made it to the Hollywood round.
10. New this season: They sing and play instruments.
10. New this season: They sing and play instruments. That could be interesting, or it could be disastrous. Either way, it's a lil different and fun. Still, I can't imagine we'll see much of that beyond the first couple rounds.
11. "American Idol," not the writers' strike, is why your TV is inundated with bad reality-TV shows this year.
11. You can't blame the fact that you don't get to watch Law and Order, Law and Order: SVU, or Law and Order: CI, on American Idol. Don't be such a hater. There was an American Idol long before there was a writer's strike. And guess what-there will be American Idol long after the end of the writer's strike.
12. One word: Daughtry.
12. Daughtry, the band fronted by Chris Daughtry, who landed in fourth place in season 5, hit number one on the Billboard charts and has sold millions of records. Fuel, a somewhat popular band whose song he Daughtry covered on the show, asked him to replace the singer. Even if you don't win the competition, you can make a comfortable living as a former Idol contestant. The masses sometimes have questionable tastes, but you can't blame a television show for giving audiences (the biggest audiences ever) what they want.
Now that we've deftly dismissed the reasons to not watch, lets get this fabulous show on the road!
