American Idol - The Top Ten Girls

Two of these girls will go home this week. more dedications.

gina glosten's boyfriend encouraged her to try the competetion again, and she does how do i get you alone, in a quasi rockstar fashion. not bad, but not great.

alaina dedicates her song to her mom. moms crying before the song even starts. maybe because she knows what the songs gonna be. 'not ready to make nice', from the dixie chicks. why that song for her mom? she is cute but not a terrific singer, and even paula will acknowledge it was pitchy. 'im trying!, i mean what would you suggest?' pleads a distrought alaina.

lakisha dedicates this song to her grandmother. 90 years old and walking with the assistance of a walker. 'leaving on a midnight train to georgia'. lakisha is awesome. pretty sexy legs even. she sounds fantastic again. simon finds himself distracted by her outfit.

melinda doolittle is up next and she dedicates her performance to her girls, her vocal coach and her stylist. wow she has people. showbiz people. 'my funny valentine'? not a very exciting song if you ask me, but gets a standing ovation from paula. hot says randy, astounding says paula, and incredible says simon. a breath of fresh air, fantastic, on and on.

antonella is waering an interesting dress, and is dedicating her song to her brother. for the life of me, i dont even understand what she is still doing here. 'because you love me' goes the song she sings for her brother. i like her dress after all but celine dion was way too big for her according to randy. paula has some encouraging words but simon declares it was worse than last week. 'simon was wrong about jennifer hudson, so...' counters antonella. wow. simon takes offense and says it was america, in fact, who sent home j hud. touchy subject.

jordin sparks, my girl j spark, dedicates her song to her 13 year old brother. she sings an xtina song, reflection or something, and while i generally dont care for this tempo aguliara, this i liked. shes a great singer but id like to see something hipper than that. not your best but excellent compared to the other girls, says sir simon cowell.

stephanie edwards dedicates her performance to her parents who 'pushed' her to audition. like booked a hotel and what not because she wasnt going to do it. nice. dangerously in love. doing beyonce is dangerous. starts a little shaky but man did she ever nail it towards the end. i actually like her now.


leslie dedicates her song to her late grandpa. she is doing a real slow number, a new day or a new dawn or something. i dont know about this chick as she attempts some sort of scattish thing at the end. shes ok but i dont think she'll go much farther than this. simon suggests that the nonsensical mumbling singing deal at the end of the performance sounded like paula talking and thats why paula liked it.


'have a little fun, speed up the tempo and rock out, hehe', is what haley plans to do to to change that caberet sound that simon disliked last week. . her performance goes out to her fiance bob, who couldnt be here tonight, but they stay in touch. queen of the night, she comes out screaming. like whitney houston bodygaurd style?! c'mon. she is SO cabaret. absolutely fucking lame. simon says you are one of two or three very vulnerable girls tonight, and haley looks like she just saw a ghost.

sabrina's song is for her 86 year old grandma. i used to cry myself to sleep at night....she begins. what an uplifting choice. more whitney, all the man that i need. thats all of her that im gonna need. take it to church girl. the judges seem to enjoy it tho. paula calls her a player in this competetion. we'll see.

two of these young ladies will leave us soon enough. i cant wait to find out which.

American Idol - The Top Ten Boys

Seacrest begins with a shoutout to oscar winner Jennifer Hudson, who is claimed as 'one of our own'.

The top ten fellas perform tongiht, trying to avoid being one of the two lowest vote getters who will be sent home thursday. nice. two guys and two girls going home this week. next week we have our top twelve.

up first is phil stacey, aka gollum the marine. 'i aint missin you'? that song was lame in 1986 and its lame today. this is the first example of a bad song choice. super cheesetown. that was hot, says randy, paula can hear him on the radio, and simon is not jumping out of his chair, but admits that his likeability (aka military god friendliness and fatherhood) will easily put him through this week. 1 866 idols01 is the number to call for god fearing gollum papa.

Simon told jared from long island to be more adventurous, so jared from long island marvin gaye's lets get it on. i dont even know why this guy is in the top ten. several of these people are a complete mystery to me, that was not very good. randy fondly makes fun of the hand gesture over the face at the end of the song. paula cant complete a sentence after saying the word push, and simon likens jared to a singer from the loveboat. i dont think he could get that gig tho.

the most flamboyant of the boys, aj is doing this one for his parents. he sings a nina simone song like its drag night at the local hispanic gay club. that was funny in a way that it shouldnt be in the top twenty. i feel like im still watching auditions.

sanjaya has an enormous smile and is dedicating this one to his late grandfather. hes doing 'stepping out' that old timey jazz song. dissppointing. he's all dressed up as if hes gonna do 'dont stop til you get enough' or something cool. again, this is where you see who has the smarts to get to be an american idol, because that and gollums songs are just terrible choices. 'weak' 'wierd', 'ghastly' 'high school' were some of the choice words from the male judges, paula encouraged sanjaya to pick something that shows off his youth. she was being nice.

chris sliegh fields a question about hair volume from seacrest before dedicating this one to his lovely wife. do potential pop stars really want to admit they have a wife? may turn off the young ladies. he doesnt move around the stage all that smoothly, but he is a fantastic singer and that was rather boring but still far better than anything else tonight.

nick pedro, the guy who quit in hollywood week last season, and who i think should not have even been allowed back onto the show for principle alone is dedicating 'fever' to his longtime girlfriend. that was a pretty good vocal, i hate to admit.

blakes performance is dedicated to his parents. hey mom, hey dad, dig this: its jamaraquai's 'virtual insanity'. ok, so hes got a decent voice, and does his virtually insane vocal stylings mid song. i dont think he should do that stuff anymore. beatboxing and wicca wicca record spinning sound effects should be left behind when you approach the american idol top twenty level of sophistication.

brandon dedicates his song to his grandmother. what a square. a 29 year old gay square. 'hes wearing a pink shirt and he's singing cindi lauper,' reasons brianna. time after time i am not impressed with these dudes. did they only have 'the book of inapporpirate songs' to choose from tonight?

chris's g-ma gets a dedication also. 'geek in the pink' to be exact is goin out to her. ok i dont know what kind of song this is but it is atrocious and chris exemplifies how to make a bad song choice. is this his grandams favorite song? or is he making fun of brandon? ok so randy tells us it was a jason mraz song and, all the judges love him?! wow. i feel like i am watching bizzaro idol. i mean he's one of the better guys for sure that i thought that was a pretty weak performance.

sundance dedicates his song to his two and a half month old son levi. he chokes up a lil bit as he tells us in the pre preformance interview about how his son is just beginning to smile and hes missing it. then comes the mustang sally. all i want do is..know why everyone wants to sing this song all the time. what kind of appeal does it have? right. its so upbeat and fun!

guess what? jeff foxworthy is hosting a gameshow on fox where people face off against fifth graders! stay tuned!

my guess is that we will bid farewell to sanjaya and phil this week. maybe aj, maybe jared.

Uh oh

Bonnaroo '07:

The Police • Tool • Widespread Panic • The White Stripes • Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals • Wilco • The Flaming Lips • MANU CHAO Radio Bemba Sound System • The String Cheese Incident • Franz Ferdinand • Bob Weir & Ratdog • Damien Rice • Ween • Gov't Mule • Ziggy Marley • The Decemberists • The Roots • Kings of Leon • Michael Franti and Spearhead • Wolfmother • Regina Spektor • The Black Keys • Galactic • DJ Shadow • Gillian Welch • Spoon • Keller Williams (WMD'S) • Sasha & John Digweed • STS9 • Old Crow Medicine Show • The Hold Steady • Lily Allen • North Mississippi Allstars • Fountains Of Wayne • Hot Tuna • Feist • Hot Chip • John Butler Trio • Ralph Stanley & the Clinch Mountain Boys • Aesop Rock • The Richard Thompson Band • Dierks Bentley • James Blood Ulmer • Xavier Rudd • Gogol Bordello • Junior Brown • Tortoise • T-Bone Burnett • Mavis Staples • Clutch • Cold War Kids • Dr. Dog • Paolo Nutini • Brazilian Girls • RX Bandits • The Nightwatchman • The Slip • Girl Talk • Railroad Earth • Martha Wainwright • Rodrigo y Gabriela • Annuals • Tea Leaf Green • Sam Roberts Band • Elvis Perkins in Dearland • Charlie Louvin • Sonya Kitchell • The Wild Magnolia Mardi Gras Indians • Mute Math • Apollo Sunshine • Uncle Earl • The National • The Little Ones • Black Angels • Ryan Shaw

In the comedy tent:

Lewis Black & Friends • Dave Attell • David Cross

The Police Reunion Tour

Before performing 'message in a bottle' at the whisky a gogo with his former police bandmates, Sting proclaims they had so much fun playing at the grammys last night that they decided to do a few more(at this mid afternoon press conference).

Then the big announcement comes between tiny, easy sips of tea, 'were gonna go on tour' a worldwide tour even! i would like to see that tour. they are going to play bonnaroo?! this is all on CNN?! is this really neccessary? the 30th anniversary of the police, just moments before president bush speaks at a black church in honor of black history month, with his buddies condi rice and, naturally, (um, why is he there?) good ol norm coleman.

anyway, this makes the police the first band officially playing the bonnaroo music festival in ultra rural, ultra hot manchester tennessee, as their initial arttist lineup will not be up until wednesday. also in the pre 'message in a bottle' banter, trey anastasio is strangely mentioned, presumably by his former oysterhead bandmate stewart copeland. sometimes it is worth it to have cnn on in the background, along with some rock and fucking roll in the foreground. you never know whats news today.



from the gaurdian, those witty bastards: "The Police are the latest band to join the reunion circus: Genesis, the Jesus and Mary Chain, Crowded House and James have already confirmed their willingness to take it to the limit one more time this summer. Good luck to them all."



goin to seattle wednesday, gonna go to this joint: im excited.

http://www.emplive.org/

feet they hardly touch the ground...
walking on the moon.

American Idol : The Best of the Rest

So here we have the best of the rest. and some lessons for future idol hopefuls.

lesson 1 : the look (is important)

our first singer is different and proud of it. christa fazzino cant sing so simon suggests she juggle for them. she cries and cries, but its a no. shell be back next season, if we're lucky.

next up is tami from colorado. sings whipping post. i say anyone who attempts the allman brothers in this competition deserves some credit right off the bat. and fuck does she ever nail it. she sounds great. 29 years old, cute lil lip piercing, might be the unlikely hero of season six, what a gorgeous, huge smile! shes adorable.

lesson 2 : seek inspiration

our next contestant is a young asian dude who wants to be more memorable than william hung and for a better reason. hes got a pretty good voice. goes to hollywood no problem.

jack from san antonio was inspired by bo bice, hes really bad but he'll never ever give up, which brings us to lesson three, never give up.

'about my 5th time auditioning' says one returning contestant. if you cant remember exactly how many times you have auditioned, or if you have tried and tried that many times and not succeeded, its time to give up.

season 5 contestant gina has auditiond 3 times and went to hollywood in season 5. she is back and proclaims that she is still in love with simon. goes for 'black velvet', and simon says she has soul, and of course, taste. i think she is just allright. i immediately am skeptical of anyone singing that song. it has simply been butchered far too many times onthis fine television program.

now we have a silly little simon fan club medley, randy's fanclub is considerably smaller and paula of course, has the really deicated, loyal, freaky fans.

edward sanchez grew up watching paula abdul and dancing like her. not a good sign. paula is such a sweetheart, gives him a big hug and kiss. he then proceeds to sing 'donna' really monotone and even tho he made paulas day, its the end for him. it seems he was way more interestedin meeting paula because he was neither sad or surprised that he wouldnt be making the trip to hollywood.

lesson 4 : audition on your own. word.

oh christ, these three girls want to be like kelly pickler, my arch nemesis from last season. they seem to have the lack of brainpower to pull it off too. they are roller waitresess. youre fucking joking me, they come to the audition together, in uniform, on fucking roller skates. how obnoxious. this should be pretty bad.
1st one-not too bad, but nothing impressive at all
2nd-not bad, not great
3rd- way better than her friends. ebony is her name, shes tall and slender and very pretty and she blows her frineds away. she might go far, if she loses her skates and her less attractive, less talented friend.
so the second and third roller waitresses are going to hollywood, but not the first.

this season there is a songwriting contest. who wants to throw down with me? seriously. i need a songwriting partner or two and we'll rock that competition.

wes is an aspiring musician who has almost completed his own album. he does an original song called 'dont worry dont hurry' that features clapping and stomping. 'nuff said.

lesson 5: shake your moneymaker? the answer is: its usually not a good idea.

an 'everybody dance now' medley follows. whatever happened to the cc music factory?

alexander is another young guy who grew up listening to paula and learning how to dance without any formal training, unless you consider paula abduls videos formal training. he cant sing and his dancing is really odd.

lesson 6: clarity

lakisha is a big, beautiful, black woman, just like god. she belts out 'think' by aretha, with the authority of god. simon loves her, calls her 'a good old fashioned belter'. ha. i said it first simon. she sails through. nice.

ok the auditions are over. that was fun and exciting. also, somewhat revolting and a little bit disturbing. but, good things can come from these at times painful auditions. dig this: 'i was so happy cuz the british man didnt make me cry.' priceless.









next week, 172 people will be in hollywood to perform on a real stage in front of the judges in teams. the first round of hollywood is as much about the hilarious lack of cooperation between the contestants as the actual performances. its where dreams go to die for 148 unlucky contestants. sound like fun? yes? well then i will see you there.

American Idol : The San Antonio Auditions

San Antonio Texas is the last stop on the 07 audition tour. Thats a good thing, because i dont think i could handle much more of this.

11,000 people are set to impress the judges, lets see how they do.

Our first singer claims that he sounds like billy idol, ac/dc, etc, and he can even do the reverse worm. hes entered a mock american idol competition and won. does that translate to actual idol success? no. randy and paula enjoy the scream along but simon isnt even enjoying it ironically. all he says when rejected is 'allright'.

we're off and runnin. allright.

haley has a cool, extremely low cut in back black dress, but her rendition of bonnie raitts i cant make you love me just wasnt up to the american idol challenge. wha?! the other judges follow simons lead and give her another chance. we will see sexyback in hollywood. whateves.

jasmine doesnt really captivate an audience, and when she starts singing she only commands laughter. she then tries to take a shot at randy as shes leaving, she should be happy because they were unusually easy on her. he aint even american! she exclaims about sir simon cowell (note: simon cowell has not yet been knighted)

a sweet lil bumpkin from a small texas town, bailey is 16 and has a nice voice. sings faith hill and is thoroughly inoffensive. she'll definitely go far, but she's gonna hafta do something crazy to win me over.

another 'other door' medley follows, and if these people cant operate the door to out of the audition room, i bet they wouldve been great auditions for us to see.

william greens cousins mom took him when he was 14. the amazing grace performance was simply brutal. not so much funny, but more sad. youd expect akron, the cousin who showed up with william would be equally terrible, but he can really sing. he goes for sam cooke. he aint pretty, we can all agree upon that, but he gets a second chance to wow the judges after simon says he was bored, and he does marvin gaye. well done akron, we'll see more of him in hollywood. that was fun to watch.

whenever someone puts their hand to their ear as they start singing, it usually a prety bad sign. have you ever heard a frog vomit? that kinda what she sounded like. simon thought it some unintelligable foriegn laungage. turns out shes a music teacher. paula reminds her that teaching is a noble profession, and to stick with that particular career.

our next contestant got beat up in high school in becuase she had a good voice. those jealous little punks couldnt beat it out of her though, shes got a good voice but its sounds strange and randy and paula shoot her down. simon wouldve said yes and easily convinces the judges to give her another try after she graciously left the room. shes a doll, and with any vocal coaching at all i bet shes sound fantastic.

jake the snake! his grandma was some kind of unspecified entertainer, and he wants to carry on her unspecified legacy. not gonna happen.

another saturday night->cupid, another two songs from mr cooke. 'youre like a little fun ruben' what a big voice. great. unanimously through without hesitation.

it looks like tomorrow night is an all 'outrageously outrageous audition' night. i might actually use the fast forward button yo.

American Idol : L.A.

Kat McPhee, last years runner up, and from the LA auditions, did a great somewhere over the rainbow. this season, dr dre's 'california love' plays in back of seacrest's intro to the city of angels.
tupac would be proud.

olivia newton john will guest judge. her shirt says in small letters 'it is what it is.' word.

our first contestant has some aspirations- singer, dancer, producer, director, panther. he moves like an urban ninja cat, but without the grace of an urban ninja cat.

'it's time to bring the romance and the love back into the music', says #2 but hes just bringin the comedy to american idol. haha.


her mother was one of dean martins goldiggers, shes marriana, shes singing the clash's should i sty or should i go. is this a first? shes on her knees as they tell her therell be other career opportunities. this means the world to her, but even her foxy mom cant convince the judges.

a medley of desparate contestants, then a struggling performer, alaina, who has been trying to make it as a singer for six years and was about to give up and go to school. whew, she made it to hollywood and can avoid school. they really like her.

the female taylor hicks doesnt want to be percieved as a taylor replica but she thinks she has the same passion. she sings dancin in the streets and it was...funny. so were her spasmic tayloresque dancing type movements.

brandon's a backup singer and sings 'always on my mind', he has a nice voice. the ladies love him, and hes the best audition yet according to simon. olivia newton john felt him in her heart. that means he could go far.

brian made it to hollywood last year and sounds pretty good this year. everyone but simon likes him and sends him on thru.

sherman has a petition to get on the show, beause hes 64. his lady love passed away only recently and his song soon has paula in tears. youre through to hollywood! the judges cry in unison. no they didnt. that wouldve been awesome tho.

next is the compton couple who met at the bus stop. they are trying out separately. she likes to be called sprakles and sings specifically to simon but to no avail. shes absurdly bad and begs from her knees for a chance.
the beau is up next, and simon tells him about how his girl was htting on him. darold is not any better and is quickly sent on his way.

eric has dediated four to five hour a day to practicing for this audition, and yet he stills sounds like a chimpmunk.

last stop on the audition tour is san antonio. whew.