We are down to The Final Three, a high school student, an actress, and a bartender. This is the worst Final Three ever. Nonetheless I must trudge through a few more episodes, like sitting through the end of a terrible movie that you have wasted too much time on to walk away from.
Tonight each contestant will sing three songs, one they chose, one the judges chose and one the producers picked.
David Archuleta is informed by a large mustached guy at some county fair or something that Paula Abdul has chosen “And So it Goes” by Billy Joel. Give me a fucking break Paula. Randy thought Paula chose a "dope song", and "hes in the zone" and "in it to win it". Randy’s breaking out the big guns already. Paula loved it of course and Simon thought it was good, but predictable. “I don’t think it was outstanding…” "YES IT WAS!!" screams a crazed tweenie in front.
Syesha receives a txt from Randy, telling her she’ll be singing “If I Aint Got You” by Alicia Keys. Syesha loves Alica and this song. It is a gift from Randy, but I just think Syesha aint nearly cool enough to be attempting Alicia. That was another colgate white smile commercial from Syesha. Randy and Paula are proud and Simon wishes Randy would have chosen something where Syesha wouldn’t be doing an impression. It was a decent impression but Alicia is infinitely better than this actress.
“The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” is Simon's choice for David Cook, and what an unusual but brilliant choice it is. My man has done David Cook a huge favor with this unlikely Roberta Flack number, and the crowd goes wild. Randy echos Simon’s earlier critique, saying he wished he wouldn’t have chosen an older number like that and it was predictable. “Round one goes to Cook and Cowell” proclaims Simon, and I must concur.
“With You” by Chris Brown is David Archuleta’s choice, and what an odd pick. He’s awkwardly bouncing around and it’s just a strange affair all around. Randy thinks it was a bit weird, and David says “I totally understand, its weird to hear a white guy say ‘my boo’” According to Simon, it was like a chiwawua trying to take on a tiger. Archuleta merely laughs.
Syesha has chosen “Fever” and I will predict right now that she will not be will us next week. She is completely out of control. This would be an excellent audition for a burlesque show but it is not quite right for this advanced stage of American Idol. She struts all over the stage and puts as much effort into her performance and corny sex appeal theatrics as her singing. The judges all question this song choice, with Simon saying she would regret it. I for one am quite glad she will not be in the Finale.
"The appropriate song for the appropriate moment" is David Cook’s description of “Dare you to Move” by Switchfoot. I think they are a Christian alternative rock band. Simon will not like this one bit, he’s gone straight back to the 93X songs of years past. Again, worst Top Three ever. Randy thought it was pitchy, and not his best.
Paula rambles about wanting more and Simon thought it was ok.
“Longer” by Daniel Fogelburger or something is what some nameless producer picked for Archuleta, and what a lame song. The judges can’t really give Archuletra a hard time since this clunker wasn’t his idea but Simon says the song and lyrics were horrible. That’s funny hahah.
Syesha gets some club number and she does a pretty dead on Beyonce impression. I think she was a goner anyway but this will be the final nail in her coffin. Again she is overdoing the sex thing and is trying to shake her ass as if she has an as back there. I aint buying it for one second. Randy again thought it was just allright,
Paula informs us that the song is from Happy Feet, and there is some question about whether the song is about penguins before Simon shoots Syesha's dreams right in the bright smiling face by telling her it was not good enough to make it into the final round. Ouch. Simon is harsh but honest. Also, Syesha does a great impression of a dancing penguin.
David Cook closes the show with the Aerosmith monster hit/atrocity that is “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”. You know, that torturous song from that horrible Armageddon movie. What an obnoxious way to end this particular night. The producers should not be given this indulgence next year.
Randy the articulate says it was "Just ok", "See you in the finals" says Paula and Simon thinks "David Cook wins the night!". He also says some bullshit about this being one of the great songs of all time. Once in a great while you have to question the taste and wisdom of a man who put the Power Rangers and the Teletubbies on record.
So there you have it folks, Syesha puts on a few last miserable performances before she goes back to the glamorous world of tv commercials. Of course we still have to wait and see that America found her as unimpressive as I did tonight.