Well here we are folks, this is what the last five months has been leading up to. Who will be the victor in what the commercials billed as the 'ultimate showdown'?
first we get to see our two finalists (the best final two ever in my ever so humble opinion) sing 'when i saw her standing there'. perhaps we are being prepped for a paul mccartney appearance tonight with this song and randys jacket from last night, right off the cover of sergant peppers lonely hearts club band album cover. a cute little performance, there is definitely some chemistry between jordin and blake. they both seem like really nice people who could get along with anyone, but they look like they have genuinely grown quite fond of eachother.
seacrest kicks it over to gwen stefani who is on tour somewhere and is wearing a hideous puffy pink outfit that vaguely resembles a designer beachball. something about 4 in the morning, and i am not rushing out to see her in concert.
next is the spectacular kelly clarkson. ryan seacrest warns us 'shes a little ticked in this song...' boy is she ever. she sings with sharpness and conviction and i think she has one of the most distinctive (and cool) voices in pop music today. this song is fucking intense. her backing band sounds like it could be daughtry, and this is an exciting, emotional performance. wow. i would love to see daughtry do a song featuring k clark.
golden idol awards will not be covered in this blog.
they bring back all of the top six boys to do a smokey robinson song, and ladies and gentlemen, smokey robinson! wow, that is sweet but he has clearly had too much botox and plastic surgery over the years. his face looks like the skin has been streched one time too many or something, and it is fairly gruesome to look at. still he sounds good and it is a nice little medly where we get to rememebr the chris slighs and brandon rogerses of this season, like why did they go so early on when sanjaya malakar stayed so long??
next, after a breif explanation that some people expressed concern over the lack of beatboxing form blake in the first part of the finale, we are treated to doug e fresh and blake together onstage for a hot beatboxing match. blake can actaully hang with the old school great onstage, and it is a hip, flashy, and entertaining performance. blake is a really talented vocal turntablist and beatboxer, moreso than we have really had a chance to see all season.
top six girls are up and they bring gladys knight out and it is fucking awesome. she looks fantastic and rally happy to be there, especially when melinda and lakisha are on either side of her, looking on in admiration and taking turns singing, and i would buy a record put out by the three of them right now. i want that record right now! man that was sweet. fabulous guest stars already.
next is tony bennett, who couldnt perform when he was a guest mentor earlier in the season due to illness. he magically still sounds like a pro, and i am not sure if this finale could get any more star studded.
melinda doolittle takes the stage with bebe and cece wyans, who she used to sing backup vocals for. 'wont you please america...hold up the light, save the world from darkness...' they sing. yikes, these people are incredibly hopped up on jesus.
next is a montage of higlights from this seasons ford commercials, set to 'time after time', and what a season of ford commercials it was.
carrie underwood is back with 'i'll stand by you' that great song from the pretenders. but why carrie, are you singing this song again, after singing it to the african children on the idol gives back special? dont you have some of melinda's god people writing songs for you? still, she sounds great and its hard not to like her.
clive davis comes out to toot his own horn about how many records the american idol franchise has sold, and encourages us to remember the talented people who actually write the songs that the idols sing. daughtry is given a shout out for being the #1 selling band in the last year, and carrie underwood is presented a plaque (thanks a lot) for selling six million records and making a whole lot of money for the producers of this show. i bet simon is feeling pretty good about himself right now for predicting early on in season 4 that not only would she win the competition, but she would sell more records than any other idol before her.
next is the african childrens choir and they are the happiest group of children i have ever seen and it is an absolutley touching performance. fucking spectacular.
now for the inevitable sanjaya malakar/joe perry of aerosmith/wind machine combination. too bad sanjaya couldnt learn a new song and does the one 'rocking' song he knows, 'you really got me' i swear its the exact same routine of running into the crowd and gving audience members high fives as he did before. only this time he gets to hover around joe perry like a groupie and joe looks a bit uncomfortable.
here is a surprise: green day singing 'working class hero' by john lennon. this is about the last band i would expect to see on american idol (remember that song american idot?) and the last song i would EVER expect to see on the fox network, let alone american idol. dig these lyrics yo:
As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and class less and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
that, folks, is the coolest thing i have ever seen on american idol, and quite possibly the coolest thing i have ever seen on television. fuck yeah. i cannot believe it but billy jo actually sang all of them brilliant lyrics, minus the curse words of course.
after a commercial break, taylor hicks comes out of nowhere and runs around the stage as he is inclined to do while singing, and does a nice harmonica solo at the end of the song, as if to plead with america, "look, i can do something special with my mouth too! palying a harmonica is like beatboxing into an instrument!"
Jordin's duet is next, and who does she get to sing with....ruben studdard! wow they are really taking advantage of those contracts that they make the idol winners sign, that presumably say 'you will perform whenever we want on our show'. where is fantasia? last i heard she is on broadway. anywhooo ruben sounds great and they do a mean duet.
taking over for celine dion after five years at ceasars palace in las vegas will be bette midler, and we get to hear her sing 'the wind beneath my wings'. splendid. this has to be one of the most annoying songs ever that everyone in america subconciously knows every word to. it is as bette is singing that i realize that the las vegas mafia has the children of one of the american idol producers tied up in a basement somewhere in the desert and that is why she is on the show right now promoting her upcoming casino gig. i wonder how many times she has sung that song and how many more times she will sing it during her in 10 shows a week at her endless ceasars palace show. as we check in on jerry springer for the 8th time tonight in the audience, we can see that he is truly inspired by this song.
a tribute to sgt pepper is next, with joe perry and kelly clarkson returning to the stage to perform. quasi pshycahdelic muticolored lights flash about, and taylor is back into the mix, who passes the mic to carrie underwood, who passes the mic to ruben studdard, and if green day singing 'working class hero' was not quite surreal enough, i am almost certain that i am on acid when i hear ruben studdard singing 'lucy in the sky with diamonds'. wait, now i am positive that i am on something powerful as i witness the top twelve american idols singing in unison 'i get high with a little help from my friends'. whew that was intense.
with 74 million votes cast after the first part of the finale, and 609 million cast all season, seacrest asks the judges who they expect will take home the american idol challenge. randy, without hesitation, says that jordin outperformed her competitor last night, and simon concurs. paula, clearly still on the painkillers she was prescribed when she 'accidentally' tripped over her dog, cannot commit to putting one contestant over the other and bumbles on at length about how they are 'both winners'.
both winners they are not tho, and one of them will have to come in second. that person is blake lewis as jordin sparks, the mighty j-sparks, is announced as the winner of the sixth season of americn idol.
best finale ever, (even without prince or paul mccartney) best final two ever, and although i was a little skeptical of the top 24, best fucking season ever.
good luck jordin and i am sure blake will do just fine too. james out.
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