Thursday, May 17, 2007

American Idol : The Results 5/16

Tonights show begins with none other than Homer Jay Simpson doing the introduction. he is even wearing a suit, taking this gig very seriously. nice job homie.

later we will bid farewell to one of our top three, and i must say right now that whoever meets Jordin in the finale will be no match for her, and j-spark will be crowned the undisputed American Idol next week.

First some clips from when each contestant was permitted to return home for the first time since going to hollywood way back in, what was it, February? These competitors have been sequestered from their friends and family for so long, it must be overwhelming to get such a crazy welcoming party, and seeing thousands of screaming, adoring fans for the first time.

Jordin returned to Arizona and visited her high school and saw her best freind who clearly has missed her over the last few months. she looks like kind of a square which solidifies my belief that jordin is a virgin and does high school plays, but i love her anyway. later she sang that 'i who have nothing' song (yet again) in front of thousands of people who are just as tired of hearing that song as i am at this point, but they still loved to see their hometown hero and will be txting furiously next week to ensure her imminent victory.

Blake sings the national anthem at a Mariners game, goes to the space needle and remarks that he has never seen Seattle from there before, tries to stop his dad from crying and greets thousands of crying tweenyboppers along a parade route as he exclaims to his dad 'isnt this wierd?!'.

melinda doolittle is way too old to visit her high school. having graduated about 10-11 years ago, she is considerbly older than the 17 year old j-spark and the 25 year old blake. but she did recieve a warm welcome and there was a melinda doolittle day announced, along with 'melinda doolittle way', a quiet, humble street named to recognize nashville's soft spoken and humble american idol finalist.

elliot yamin comes by the show to sing something from his new album, which is actually getting very positive reviews, which is more than taylor hicks can say. why hasnt the soul patrol been back this season? anyway elliot looks a lot different, he has a nice big curly fro and got some work done on his teeth. he sounds outstanding, and for some reason the judges are critiqueing him, just for old times sake i suppose. after his performance, elliot offers some sound advice to the final three: get ready, this is just the beginning.

maroon 5 makes an appearance as well. this may be the first band that i have seen both on american idol and live, for they (inexplicably) were at the 10,000 lakes festival a couple years ago, the same year they had john 'lame ass' mayer as a headliner. actually i am positive that i didnt watch maroon 5 play, so never
mind that. the lead singer looks a bit creepy as he croons away, and i cant help but wonder how many 16 year old girls he has slept with. i bet lots.

on to results. after teasing each contestant earlier in the show & pretending the results might actually be reported before the last two minutes of the show, seacrest finally gets on with it and reveals that jordin sparks is safe, and has earned a spot in the finale. word.

asking melinda to step forward, seacrest then says that almost 60 millioon votes were cast this week, but doolittle has come to 'the end of the road'. melinda will go back to nashville sooner than she had hoped. excellent.

this is as it should be and all is right with the world of american idol.
i dont really think anyone would argue that meliinda was not the best singer this season-she consistently performed well and the judges almost always had nothing but compliments for her. she was, however, never very much fun to watch and didnt ever really do a very good job picking songs that were interesting or exciting. also, if you are like me, you grew weary of her endless humility and think every american idol, every pop star, needs a bit of liam gallagher in them, a la 'i am the best fooking thing that ever hapened to rock and roll and if you dont like it go fuck yourself' kind of attitude. a messiah complex, a tendency towards self destruction, something to make it exciting. melinda had the opposite of all of those things, and also she is ugly. so thats why she got the boot. she just wasnt fun or exciting or good looking. no big surprises there, but the audience and simon cowell himself seem shocked that this could happen.

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so the two part finale will consist of blake lewis and jordin sparks. as much as i enjoy blake's style and modernity, i think he's gonna have a very tough time against j-spark. plus, how could i not be rooting for a chick with such a fucking cool name!?

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jordin sparks = sexy, sassy, & unstoppable


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blake lewis : my man is dope, but jordin's got this one locked down.

see you at the finale.

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