American Idol - The Top Ten

Ok, so I have had my suspicions in recent episodes, but now I am totally convinced that they have a really obnoxious scream track they throw on when he crowd just isn't in enough of a frenzy.

Tonight's theme is songs from the year they were born.


Ramiele was born in Saudi Arabia in 1986. She liked to bite people until she picked up the microphone. She does Heart’s “Alone”, and while there is definitely the potential for a outstanding prformance, she didn't really gofor it like she needed to on a song like that. It's like she either aint got the chops, or she doesn’t have the guts. Wait-she’s a little bit sick, but Randy still doesn’t let her slide. Paula does, and Simon thought it was good enough to survive this week. That depends on how our other 9 do.

Jason Castro, 1987, it’s his birthday! He picks a Sting song that requires some Spanish. This guy can do no wrong. Simple and strong performance with the acoustic guitar again. He can afford to coast a little bit.

Syesha was born in 1987 as well, and has always liked to be in front of a camera. “If I was your Woman” is actually a surprisingly strong vocal, and Randy says it’s the best she’s ever sounded. I have to agree. Her most brilliant, says Paula, but Simon is not as impressed. She should be ok this week.

Chekesie was born in 1985, to Nigerian parents. “If only for one night” is an absolutely dreadful choice. Really slow and boring, but a solid vocal nonetheless. Chekesie can't afford too many more of these mistakes tho.

Brooke was born in 1983, and taught herself how to play piano. She missteps on the beginning of “Every Breath You Take”, the song Puff Daddy ruined, but quickly gets it together and pushes through. Well before Puffy it was a creepy stalker song, so I suppose it’s never been that great. Brooke does allright with it, but it was nothing special.

Michael Johns is a Libra born in 1978, just like me. Also, he planned on being a professional tennis player, just like me. John goes back to the Queen with “We Will Rock You”, and this time it is astounding. He fucking rocked that, and that will go down in Idol History. Judges give him his propers.

Carly was born in 1983, in Dublin, and was about the cutest little kid ever with huge red locks sprouting in all directions. “Total Eclipse of the Heart” is another stellar performance form Carly, and she better go to the very end of this competition. Dynamite.

David Archuleta did Mariachi dancing with his sister. He was born in 1990 for Chrissakes. Speaking of Christ, suddenly we’re at a Kidz 4 Christ concert? What was that song? Paula says he could have sung the phone book and they would love it. Indeed, he has got a very important demographic locked up, but he can’t keep doing these lame songs or even they will desert him.

Kristi Lee Cook is still here? Great. Brianna thinks she looks like a beadey eyed Bush daughter, even before she starts singing “God Bless the U.S.A.”. This is without a doubt the most shameless display of patriotism I have ever seen on this particular television show. “Great song choice” Randy says. "Poignent and respectful" says Paula, and hopefully Simon is man enough not to fall for this brash flag waving. "Strongest performance yet...the most clever song choice in years!" Proclaims Uncle Simon. Unbelievable. Rupert Murdoch has gotten to Cowell.

David Cook was an alien conehead child, born in 1982. “Billie Jean” is his choice, ultra slowed down, I can see what he was going for but it didn’t go well. The scream track is in full effect, but that was a gamble he lost. The judges all thought it was spectacular, though. I must disagree.

So, in the bottom three we have Rameile, Chekesie, and Brooke. Archuleta’s laughable and Kristi Lee’s uber-patriotic performances notwithstanding.